Mercury Retrograde Sucks
I don't plan to write too much here at JenniferShepherd.com about heavy duty metaphysical stuff. Look for those subjects to be covered at my (soon to be revamped) Lipstickmystic.com site and a new astrology site, Lipstickmysticstars.com. Plus I also write about self-healing and "mind over matter" at Free-Daily-Affirmation.com. But since I haven't had a chance to redo those sites yet, I thought I'd talk about this current Mercury retrograde here just for poops and giggles. You can handle it, right?
By the way, if you don't know it yet, I should explain that in my other life -- or one of my other lives -- I'm a syndicated astrology columnist whose columns appear in newspapers and the occasional magazine. So writing about astrology isn't THAT off topic, despite the fact that I'm also a digital artist, marketing writer, and web geek chick. When it comes to my work, I wear a LOT of different hats, and many of them are wizard hats!
What is Mercury Retrograde?
Okay. So Mercury retrograde happens roughly three times a year for a period that technically lasts about three and a half weeks, with some extra time before and after as Mercury slows down and enters what's called a "storm" period.
What's Mercury retrograde? Well, the short answer is this: due to differences in the orbital speeds of the Earth and Mercury, there are certain times throughout the year during which Mercury appears to be travelling BACKWARDS in the sky - from our vantage point here on Earth. This creates a lot of magnetic disturbances for us Earthlings and for many things like technology, transportation, and the overall communication flow between people and nations.
Mercury retrograde times are as annoying as shit.
And if you're unlucky enough to be born under the sun signs of Virgo (like me) or Gemini, Mercury retrograde times literally feel like endless periods during which the gods are just farting in your general direction, messing things up royally. This is because both Virgo and Gemini are "ruled" by Mercury (highly influenced by Mercury,) and these signs are more sensitive to when Mercury is burping or coughing or doing different things of a cosmic nature. I always feel like I have a "kick me" sign over my head during retrograde times because the universe just generally treats me like crap. I've learned to develop a certain fatalistic sense of humor about it, but still -- it's unpleasant.
Don't Believe in Anything
For the record, I do not BELIEVE in astrology. Belief is stupid. Belief is placing your faith in something or somebody outside of yourself. Belief is right up there with superstition, religion, and lunacy in my opinion.
But when you personally OBSERVE something to have real, measurable value, not just in your own life but in thousands of other people's lives which you've had a chance to carefully observe since you've been working with them as clients, then you start to go, "I should pay attention to this."
I don't recommend believing in anything, astrology included. Most astrologers are full of absolute crap and really bizarre people. (She notes to herself ironically: I should probably include myself on that list ) 
So if you want to learn about real astrology you'll need to do lots of reading, due diligence, and careful study on your own, and contrast what you're figuring out with the all too frequent garbage about astrology which tends to clog the airwaves.
But -- Mercury retrograde DOES affect us, I've found -- even when you don't believe in it or you try to remain blind to its effects. If you're good at sophisticated pattern recognition and record keeping, and you observe Mercury retrograde times closely -- over a period of 25 years like I have -- you're going to notice that traditional astrology has it right about Mercury retrograde.
Measuring the Effects of Retrograde
Mercury retrograde has very definite and chaotic effects on humans -- disrupting our minds, our emotions, and the way we interact with one another. It also has very demonstrable magnetic effects on things like machines and technology, creating glitches with these, and it makes transportation more complex and dangerous. More train wrecks, plane crashes, and road rage happen during these times. This is due to two factors: people's judgment tends to be off so they make mistakes operating machinery, and also the machines themselves (the crystals and the metals the machines are constructed with) seem to be strongly magnetically affected and more prone to breakage.
This Mercury retrograde period doesn't "officially" start until August 3rd, and it ends on August 26th. But the problem is that there is a very long period before and after the retrograde time during which Mercury is "slow" -- and these times are just as bad as the actual retrograde times for all the issues I've mentioned above. The time before Mercury "slows to a station" and then goes retrograde varies a bit with each retrograde time, and this time, this "storm" period started Sunday July 24th - and Mercury doesn't actually go retrograde until Tuesday, August 2nd. But this storm period is turning out to be pretty intense already.
On the flip side of this retrograde we have another long "storm" period when Mercury will remain slow. So while Mercury goes out of retrograde on the evening of Friday, August 26th, the storm period lasts until August 31st.
This means that instead of the usual three and a half week time when we're all affected by retrograde, we're getting a VERY long and intense dose of that retrograde energy this time. Bleah.
So -- for all intents and purposes, Mercury retrograde has already begun. It slowed down and entered its storm period yesterday, Sunday, July 24th, and we won't be completely through the retrograde and storm periods until Wednesday, August 31st.
Should we run for the hills? Should we bury our heads in the sand? Should we hide in bed with the cats until it's over?
Those are options. But not very realistic ones for most people.
How to Survive Mercury Retrograde
What we CAN do is to take a few simple, practical "just in case" steps to minimize Mercury retrograde's effects as much as possible. These include:
1) Being EXTREMELY watchful and cautious when driving, flying planes, driving boats or trains, or operate dangerous machinery. Avoid talking on the cell phone or texting while doing any of these things because it's likely your judgment is already going to be off and those things will just add to how dangerous you can be on the road. However, don't expect OTHER people to stop doing dangerous things. Expect people to cut in front of you, be on the alert for crazy road rage incidents involving drivers behaving like lunatics, and just generally be super duper careful when you are travelling from one place to another.
2) Double check things like train, plane, bus, and boat schedules because chances are high that either the times listed will be wrong or you'll read them wrong. The chances of running late to something or missing your transport are high, so allow lots of extra time if you're headed to the airport, check and recheck scheduled flight times, and leave extra time to catch a cab, etc.
3) Strap your kids, your pets, and yourself carefully into the car while you are driving to prevent accidents and injuries. Seat buckles are your friend.
4) If something mechanical needs to be repaired or serviced, it's best to do this BEFORE retrograde if possible. Because there is a larger than usual chance that things like your car, your phone and Internet and cable lines, your dishwasher, etc. will break down during retrograde -- especially if you KNOW they need service and you've just been putting off getting the work done. ALSO IMPORTANT: Run virus checks on your computers and use extra caution about monitoring your computers for viruses and your websites for hackers.
5) Mercury retrograde is a shitty time to start new projects because generally you'll be prone to having big dreams like, "Let's sell everything and go live on a houseboat and start a website where we'll sell fish to people online!" And this idea will actually make SENSE during retrograde because, well, people are pretty much out of their minds during Mercury retrograde. So if you HAVE a super duper wonderful idea, write it down, and wait until the retrograde period passes before following through on it. Chances are you will see that your wonderful concept needs a lot of work.
5) Retrograde times are when we tend to "look back" at things that haven't been resolved. This includes relationships. More romantic reunions happen during this time than any other period, and 99.9 % of those reunions are a very bad idea, indeed. Sometimes a "former" flame is "former" for a reason, and it's best to leave it that way.
6) This IS a good time to recheck, redo, edit, fix, repair, and fix things. It's also a good time to just generally get things in order like cleaning or sorting through your house, updating records, and tending to little details that affect your life.
7) Be a little cautious about yourself on a physical level. Risk taking behavior isn't such a good idea. This includes pulling Jackass type stunts in your backyard or engaging in spastic, hysterical movements. You're more likely to trip, bash into something, and/or end up in the ER with something bloody.
8) Try not to go batshit crazy when somebody gets you angry. Retrograde times are notorious for being periods when all those little petty resentments you've been saving up try to burst through and ruin a marriage, inflict emotional trauma on a child, and so forth. If you're still pissed that your prettier sister took away your prom date back in 1943 or whatever, schedule a session with your therapist during retrograde. DON'T confront her with a big stick and decide to "teach her a lesson." REPEAT: AVOID ACTS OF VIOLENCE, especially those aimed at loved ones. People's tempers are terribly frayed during retrograde because things just generally aren't flowing very well, cash can be short, and tempers even shorter. Practice empathy and be compassionate - and try to laugh.
9) There's probably an analogy here about "If the gods fart in your general direction, make lemonade" or something -- but I'm not quite bringing it together. It's been a long day, and I'm out of coffee. So insert your own motivational phrase here. I'm sure you'll do better than me.
We're only a day into this Mercury retrograde/storm period, and here are the things I've already experienced or observed:
1) My cat destroyed not one, but two comforters, with her weapons grade "erps." Suddenly, her vomit has taken on unusual power and devastating potency.
2) I tripped on the stairs. I opened a car door and bonked my forehead with it. I opened another door and stubbed my toe while wearing sandals - quite painful. I can be klutzy, but this stuff never happens to me unless it's retrograde.
3) While running a few errands today I had no less than FIVE near misses where trucks and cars tried to crash into me, despite my driving like a cautious old lady - and only venturing about five miles from my house.
4) A wiper blade on my car suddenly broke. This happened on the one day we've had rain after weeks upon weeks of drought. So it's the only time I NEED my windshield wipers to work, and of course, one is broken.
5) I had a bad oyster which gave me low level food poisoning. (I dosed myself on a variety of things which are great for getting rid of harmful viruses and bacteria, including colloidal silver and oregano oil, and I was better in a half hour.)
6) I lost a payment/check from a company I work with. It, like, completely disappeared, even though I'm very careful about where I put checks. It will probably turn up after retrograde is over in one of the places I've been looking for it. Dematerializations of important items (money, checks) are common during retrograde, and often they rematerialize after retrograde is over.
(I wish my vomiting cat would dematerialize for a few weeks.)
7) I'm dealing with a small virus on my computer that just came in from somewhere and it's a pain in the ass. Especially since it's also infected my two backup external drives. Hacking and viruses are more common during retrograde times, I've found.
On a global level, things like "mad dog killer" scenarios, war and unrest, and celebrity overdoses or deaths are common during retrograde. So far we've had the devastating shooter who killed all those people in Norway and the sad death of singer Amy Winehouse which is still being investigated.
On top of this, the US is trying to sort out its debt crisis problems and there is a pending shutdown of all government-funded services and organizations if it isn't sorted out. And then there's the general financial fragility of ALL the world's nations right now, which could come to a head and get a lot worse during this retrograde time.
Unfortunately, whatever short-term solution they come up with here in the US to resolve our debt situation, it isn't likely to work given these current planetary influences.
HOWEVER.... I don't want to be Ms. Doom here, because retrograde times are just cosmic "bad weather" periods. The key is to be a little more cautious and alert about everything you're doing, and try to help others and be more compassionate instead of getting triggered into selfish outbursts of rage or violence. Alos, tend to details in your life that need to be sorted out like organizing your records, home, and bank accounts.
If you spend a little time taking care of "homework," you'll be creating room in your life so you can be ready to move forward when Mercury finally goes direct. Then you can get going with a clearer head, greater personal resolution, and a sense of optimism that's more of a PRACTICAL optimism than the irrational exuberance type of optimism that tends to arise during retrograde periods.
So -- as long as you don't sell everything and buy a houseboat so you can set up your online business selling fish from your website, you'll probably be okay!
PS: Here's some info about the next Mercury retrograde period: Mercury slows down and enters its storm period Friday, November 18th. Mercury goes retrograde late on Wednesday, November 23rd (Eastern Time zone in US.) And then it goes direct (comes out of retrograde) Tuesday, December 13th - but it's not completely out of its storm until Sunday, December 18th. Treat that whole time as a retrograde time - November 18th through December 18th. Plan your holiday shopping super early to avoid chaos on the streets and in the stores!
PS: Don't miss the Mercury retrograde journal I'm keeping throughout this retrograde time, updated throughout each week.
